I felt ready..
Hey here s a trip report from not long ago
The ethereal dream
I had previously bought Mckennaii Mushrooms spores from Avalon Magic Plants. I had grown a few flushes but couldn t seem to find the right time and place to take them.
Finally, one evening, I felt ready.
I take RIMAs in the form of Syrian rue quite often, I find it helps me with meditation, relaxation, and generally cleanses my mind, body and soul.
So even if psychedelic experiences are inherently personal and vary greatly from person to person, and experience to experience, take in account that RIMAs make most psychedelic trips longer, more intense, and different.
Syrian rue brings its own spirit to the Psilocin world. It is in my eyes a guide through it. A candle showing the way in a path that can sometimes be cloudy and dark.
So it was around 19h when I had prepared 3 grams of dried and 20 grams of fresh mushrooms. By "prepared" I simply mean brewed in a tea (please look up how to do this to prevent destroying the alkaloids with excessive heat, as a regular tea would) with ginger and peppermint oil. I find both herbs to help with nausea and other possible side-effects.
I took a magnesium pill as well.
The sun was still up, but not as intense as the other days. The heat was comfortable and enjoyable not crushing and suffocating as it had been the previous days.
My mind was clear, as were my reasons. I lighted a few candles, made sure the environment was adequate for the experience I was about to go through.
I began slowly drinking the tea, mentally repeating "I am but a student to the plant teachers, and my only goal is to learn". Mushrooms, rue, and other plant teachers are sacred to me. They are not simply "drugs". I am sure most of you who are reading this and have experienced the realm of psychedelia understand what I mean. I am not saying anything that hasn t been said before.
The tea had actually a pretty enjoyable taste. I think it is because I ve grown accustomed to it, I remember I hated it at first. It s bitter indeed, but not as much as a "Calea Zacatechichi" tea.
I think I was done drinking it by 19:10.
I had fasted all day so the effects came quite quickly.
Surprisingly and in spite of my sensitive stomach there was no nausea.
By 19:30 I felt truly "tripping".
This is the last notion of time I remember until next morning.
So came the usual geometric patterns, the stoned feeling, the heaviness.
I layed down and closed my eyes.
The past days events passed through my eyes, I was analyzing them in the usual "psychedelic manner". Going in great depth over the reasons of this action, what one truly meant by saying something to me, and the like. Excuse the vagueness, I thought it would be preferable to spare the reader of the mundane details of my daily life.
I got into a kind of oniric state, albeit I was still quite lucid.
It is only way later (or at least it felt like it) that I opened my eyes and "snapped out of it".
I was in pure awe of the elements around me. I hate when in trip reports the writer says "words couldn t describe it" or "it was beyond comprehension" etc. Of course the psychedelic experience isn t easy to translate into words, but that is the goal of a trip report.
Therefore I shall try to describe in the most concise way I can what only a fellow mind-traveler could relate to.
Every object around me had an aura, a vibration, a kind of "life", around it. Everything from my black TV screen to my salt shaker had become some sort of mystical object whose purpose was absolutely obscure to me but whose life was obvious. The events I had previously remembered had each infused themselves into an object it seemed. And with them brought sparkles, colours, and unreal contrast to these otherwise plain objects. Mind you this was merely the come-up.
I stood up, and waves of colours and sparkles followed each and every of my movements. I had experienced this countless times before but this time it was different, it was as if every wave brought on more and more intensity to the trip, made my thoughts race even faster, the heaviness stronger, and slowly a feminine voice started chanting as if right besides me, in this very room.
Still, I kept to my goal, and ventured towards to blinds, - it was quite funny to see every layer of blinds blend with each other, twisting, morphing, writhing in complete randomness and yet harmony.
I peeked through the blinds, the sun was slowly setting down. I tried to calculate the time but I only confused myself.
The word evening kept coming back to me, as if my former, sober self, was trying to help me. But what was this strange evening, and what was its meaning to me I couldn t comprehend. I felt utterly dumb.
Confused I just left this weird outside world, whose immensity only frightened me. I retreated to my dimly lit room. Here there was at least a shadow of familiarity. Although not for long.
I picked up a bottle of water, struggled with the cap, only to spill it over me. It actually felt good, I was burning up.
I drank carefully, as not to repeat spilling it. This felt like a divine gift. Even if I didn t feel very thirsty, I drank extremely slowly, immensely enjoying studying the passage of water to my mouth, on my tongue, and to my throat. I could feel every single molecule slowly making its way. I wondered if this was how rocks felt when a stream passed through them. I figured they had all the time in the world to enjoy the stream. I kind of envied them.
But the more I thought about it, the more scared I became. If rocks were eroded by a stream, what if this divine gift was only an illusion, stealing on its way bits of my body? I put the bottle down with great care, and layed in bed again.
I suddenly remembered I had actually taken a substance. I wondered why I would put myself in a weakened state where everything seemed to confuse and scare me so easily. And resonated in my mind, slowly, profoundly, and deeply:
-I am but a student to the plant teachers, and my only goal is to learn
This sentenced repeated itself a few times, and every time I gained more and more understanding of it. I seemed able to comprehend the essence of it, though I couldn t grasp everything it meant.
I figured the best way to learn was simply to stop thinking, to lay down, close my eyes, and stop thinking. And so I did.
The patterns were not very geometrical anymore, there had taken a much greater depth, of a complexity that I could understand.
On hindsight, it s quite interesting that most of our everyday life items were obscure to me, but this unfathomably complex world of Psilocin was familiar. As if I had been there before, not only in my previous experiences, but as if this was a part of me.
I was going through unexplored cities of entities entirely unrelated to humans. I discovered species of plants that I had never seen. But I couldn t stop, I found myself pulled towards this goal, that I had not reached yet. I was only observing and enjoying the journey.
And suddenly the suction stopped, my inner vision turned to this ethereal face with no dimension, no proportion, no measurable length. This infinite face whose eyes were fixed on my merely human being. Every point, every angle, of this face was illuminated by bright stars, and the eyes were beacons of pure light, shining in all directions. It was contemplating me, and I felt as if it could understand everything about myself, my intentions, and my life. This was quite humbling in a way that I felt so insignificant even ashamed of having tried to meet this entity that was completely beyond me.
It did not talk, it did not move. I yet I could feel what it was expressing to me.
As I said before, I shall try to describe everything the best I can. This was so personal that I ve altered the teachings a bit so the reader will understand them. Please understand that I have struggled a lot to write this, and I am in no way pleased with the result.
The “face” explained “myself” to me. It explained in a way I had never thought of before, what have truly been my fears and desires, my motives, the source of my anger, my joy, why I appreciated this or that, why I considered this moral, ethically correct, or admirable. It made me understand that only without all “social masks” without all previous “learning” and therefore influence, the pure, virgin, untouched human, could truly be serene and in peace. But for that, the virgin human had no attachment towards anything. The untouched human did not care about death of himself or the people around him. The pure human did not see the constant cycle of birth, life, death and decay, with any emotion or judgment. It simply was.
All of the importance with attach to things, material or living, was artificial and a cause of our fear of the void. We refuse to acknowledge that everything simply is and has no goal but to be. But this was not a sad thing, this was not something to deplore. As the Shpongle album says “Nothing lasts... But nothing is lost”.
All of this I had heard before, but never understood, never “felt”. The only time I thought of the world as absurd and without meaning, was when I was around 9 and since I couldn t deny or find any proof of the contrary, this truth seemed so soul-crushingly undeniable I had panic attacks for a few months nearly everyday. I simply could NOT accept that. My parents thought I was trying to catch attention, and asked me to stop doing so, so I stopped asking for their help when I had a panic attack. When I explained my ideas they laughed and said that I was simply wrong.
On hind-sight I guess I was “pure” and untouched enough to grasp a bit of that truth, but not accept it. And my parents had been influenced to much by our world and everyday life to even consider it. Please do not think I hold any grudge towards them, I do not judge them.
What is very curious, is that after that, the face disappeared, I opened my eyes, and the trip, even though still going on pretty strongly visually speaking, seemed finished.
I did not have any more to learn, and the rest of the trip was only visuals.
I also became a lot more conscious and lucid. I stood up, drank water from the previously terrifying bottle, even managed to cook and eat a little bit, but I wasn t very hungry at all. I felt as if nothing could make the trip a “bad” one, nothing could trigger fear any more because I felt but neutral towards everything. In a good way, if that makes sense.
I woke up the next day feeling great and renewed, as usual when I take a psychedelic substance the night before. There was still a few visuals going on but nothing major.
The only difference is that I do not feel enthralled and excited of my previous experience. It had happened, I learned, I was and am grateful, and that s it. Again, in a good way.
I still think I have much to learn and understand about that night, and maybe future experiences, but I won t be taking anything until I feel I have fully integrated in my life what I have learned.
And here I am, writing this, hoping my trip report will be of any use for anyone, or at least interest. Maybe you have learned something from this report, maybe it will influence your future trip (in a good way I hope!) and maybe you have simply enjoyed reading it. I am simply happy to have shared it.
Thank you for reading this,